Funerals are the last place we want to go to. That’s partly because it is the last place we go to. But once you are at a funeral, there is usually not much to do, except sit and look around. And that’s when you start hearing things.

“When did you find out?”, is the first question people ask each other at funerals. It is the hello of funerals. But what’s even the point of this question? It’s not like they give a prize to the one who finds out first.

The funeral then moves to the crematorium. And you hear yet another popular question, “Wood or electric?” To this day I remain baffled by the curiosity behind this question.

Be it a funeral or happier occasions, a pattern emerges of the things people say. We encounter cliches and jargon in every setting of our life. Most of the time they are harmless. Sometimes they are even useful, like in this case where they give people struggling for words something to say.

But they become dangerous when people start using them as advice. Each of us has heard immensely useful advice like “work smarter not harder”, “work as a team”, and the one gaining popularity these days “use AI”. But none of it is really advice. It is just something you say.

So, how do you separate non advice from actual advice? For starters, non-advice will never be about you. It will be vague. In fact, so vague that you can apply it to ten other problems and it will still sound right. And that’s another test. It will only sound right. And last but not the least, you will have heard it before.

Good advice, on the other hand, is unique. It is very specific to you and your problem. It is given after a lot of listening and observation. It comes after several questions and clarifications.

Good advice is rare. It takes time and energy to give it. Giving good advice is difficult. It requires careful and deliberate thought. Good advice demands a lot of self-management from the giver. Because it’s not about you, it is about someone else.

So, the next time you hear well-meaning advice, take the time to find out if it is really advice or is it just something that people say. If it is the former, do take it to heart. If not, say a polite thank you and walk away.