I recently witnessed the quiet ending of a life. I saw a vibrant spirit fade away. A voice that once echoed with familiarity slipped away into silence. Knowledge that death was inevitable did not help, and all I could do was grieve.
My sorrow paled in comparison to that of one who had lost a soulmate of fifty years. As she crumbled into tears, her friends and family rushed to her side. “Stop crying, my dear,” they beseeched her. “Control yourself. Show patience. Show courage. Stop crying”.
“Let her cry,” I wanted to scream. For a light that had shone throughout her life has been extinguished, and if tears are what come in response, then let them flow freely. But I didn’t scream. I stayed silent, and watched on as the attempts to pacify continued.
Soon, words gave way to actions. She was kindly offered tokens of support – a handkerchief, a glass of water, a squeeze of lemon juice, when all she wanted was a hug and a shoulder to cry on. Every action, every word seemed to say, “Find another way to cope, but please, please don’t cry.”
This reaction is all too common – we see the instinct to silence crying everywhere. Doesn’t matter if the tears come from the grief of losing a loved one or the crushing weight of an unmet expectations. Every time someone cries, others rush in to muffle the sound.
I wonder if the urge to suppress tears comes from discomfort – a desperate yearning to return to normalcy. In our rush to smooth over the raw edges of emotion, we forget that tears are a vital expression of grief, a necessary part of embracing life in all its pain and beauty.
As I watched this dance of grief and societal expectations, I wondered why we prioritise restraint over genuine expression. From early childhood, we are conditioned to hide our vulnerability and present a composed face even when our heart is shattered by loss.
As I watched her weep, I began to understand. Tears are not mere drops of sorrow, but the flowing language of emotions. Each tear serves to cleanse and heal, carrying with it memories of joy and pain. Letting emotions flow is an act of courage – one that honors the full spectrum of our human experience.
Death taught me what it means to be alive. In the quiet aftermath of loss, I learned the immense power of acceptance. By accepting emotions without judgment, we create space for healing and change. In our grief, we discover the strength to transform pain into a deeper understanding of what it means to be human.
