A colleague once brought her daughter to work. The joyful little girl quickly became the center of attraction. People flocked around her, patting her head and tousling her hair. As the attention piled up, she grew irritated.
“Everybody’s touching me!” she kept complaining to her mom. Some of her admirers stepped back at this protest, while others laughed it off as cute. A few even took it as a playful challenge to mess up her hair even more.
It got me wondering – is this how kids like to be treated? Do they like it? Do they want our well-meaning and doting intrusions, or are we imposing our own ideas of affection on them?
Imagine your first day at work. As you step off the elevator, you run into a hoard of giggling strangers who grab you and pinch your cheeks. How would that feel – irritating, perhaps a little disrespectful?
Yet, when it comes to kids, these actions are almost normal. It’s as if, in the world of adults, it is okay to treat small children as playthings rather than individuals with personal boundaries.
It gets funnier (or scarier – for the kid) as they grow up. People start enquiring – How old are you? Which school do you go to? Who’s your best friend? The more inquisitive ones go – How much did you score on your exam?
How would you feel if a distant relative suddenly asked how much money you make? You’d probably roll your eyes and walk past him. But a child can’t do that. He must stand there and bear it with a smile.
If he does occasionally muster the courage to push away an unwanted hug, he is scolded for being disrespectful. If he shows his discomfort in answering questions by keeping quiet, he is quickly branded as stubborn.
My son hates having his cheeks pinched and refuses to let anyone do it. When I support him and explain this to people, I’m often met with a dismissive eye roll and a shake of the head saying, “Kids these days!”
Sometimes it feels like a power play, as if people are saying – I am big, and you are small. I’m going to do whatever I want with you, and you are going to like it. And if you don’t, well, that’s your problem – not mine.
It raises a question – don’t we respect kids enough to let them say no? If we want our kids to grow into self-respecting individuals, why aren’t we showing them that respect from the very beginning?
Respect is a two-way street. How is a child expected to develop a sense of his own worth and boundaries, if adults routinely invade his personal space and disregard his choice?
Children may be little in size, but they’re whole people with emotions and preferences. Their hesitance, however slight, is a reminder that they too have boundaries that deserve acknowledgment.
Respecting kids is about modeling the kind of behavior we hope to see when they’re grown. It’s about teaching them, by example, that everyone deserves personal space and kindness.
The next time you’re tempted to dive in with a cheek pinch or an unsolicited tousle, take a moment to observe the child’s reaction. It might just be the start of a more mindful, respectful way of connecting with the next generation.
